A few weeks ago I did a little experiment in my boudoir VIP group. The group is made up of a diverse amount of ladies, from ages 20-75, many races and from different backgrounds. I posted a few images and asked them the first thing that came to mind for them when they saw the images of me? What they didn’t know is, a lot of the pictures I posted, where images of me that I didn’t really like when I first saw them, because I had found something in them, about myself to dislike immediately. What I found was interesting, NO ONE ELSE saw me as I saw myself. Here are some examples.
Let’s start with an oldie but goody! This image was from when I was in “the best shape of my life” by this worlds standards on beauty and “health.” What this image doesn’t tell you is that to look like that, I worked out three hours a day, and ate 20 grams of carbs or less for years. I never cheated, I didn’t go out and to be honest, I was a little bit unhealthily obsessed. In addition to that, I had severe self esteem issues, hated my thighs, and lacked confidence. I always wanted to hide and not really be seen, I felt ashamed. Upon showing the group this image, the most used word was confident. Knowing what I know now, all these years later….this is my “I wish I looked like I used to when I thought I was fat picture” lol. I wish I looked like that, I wish I was that healthy now and to be honest, looking back I was going through some of the hardest times of my life and I made it, I did it and I was to young to look back and honor that then, so I am going to honor that now <3
This image of me was take on a beautiful day during a family session in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I planed this session for month’s. I was so excited to have images of my family where my husband and daughters heritage is from. During our session, I was excited to do an image or two for myself to use for my branding and company. This by far was my top spot to get some images at. When I first saw this picture, all I could see was my stomach. My negative Nancy came out and was criticizing why I didn’t suck it in more, or be more mindful of it. It really took away the joy, beauty and perfection of the image…and most importantly in the moment. Everyone wrote that I was either stunning, beautiful or gorgeous. Why would I not believe them, because it really is the truth! This image reminds me of a day I spent wandering a beautiful city with my family, lots of laughs and moments. 20 years from now, what I think and feel about my stomach won’t even be an issue!
The quote on this picture say’s it all and it’s so true! I almost didn’t post this image because I didn’t like how my arms looked at the time, as if that was the most important thing about this photo (cue my sarcastic tone if you know me in person.) This was a weekends on a local beach with my husband and daughter. What was most important that weekend was the time being spent together and the memories being made. My daughter mastered swimming by herself and underwater that weekend, she was like a fish and just kept jumping into the pool, getting out doing it again…and repeat. Moment’s I hope she remembers for life and recreates with her children too. Thankfully, I didn’t let my arms get in the way of all that, KWIM? All the ladies said they say making memories, family and a mothers love! They were so right!
This image is from a vendor event a while back. When I walked in and saw they had created this, all I could think was genius and we have to do it! My friend Jessie (who is literally the best person I could think of to do this with because she’s so fun) and I climbed into the ball pit and got ready for them to cue us. We got two tries to make it work and this was my favorite of the two. When I saw the image, all I thought to myself was OMG she’s SO CUTE and I am so…WOW that’s not a good angle for me! I eventually got over that and saw the truth in the photo. I had so much fun that night, I tried something new and damn look at the smile on my face, that is only caused by my sincerest, deepest of belly laughs! The ladies said fun, and happiness and the truth was, yeah spending a night with some of my closest friends was so great!
My goals with the experiment was two fold. It was to show that no one see’s you how you see yourself and that we are abnormally hard on ourselves. Secondly that later in life you won’t care about the things that bother you in the now. The things you worry about and knit pick at about yourself, no one notices and to be honest, most of the time it’s not even true. Truth sometimes is hard for us to see and receive when we aren’t being kind to ourselves. Sometime you just need to give yourself some grace and know your doing the very best job you can at this moment. You my dear are enough, right where you are at.
This is why I do what I do and believe it is so important to capture yourself in a boudoir session. The very act of doing something new and different while pushing yourself out of your comfort zone helps create new neural pathways (it’s science google it!) Seeing yourself differently and in a new way helps transform your mind and how you see yourself for the longterm. The amount of transformational healing I have seen through boudoir sessions has been amazing! It literally fuels my fire to keep going and doing these empowering sessions!
If your interested in busting outta your comfort zone and into an empowering session, contact me here!